5 Stupid Things My Humans Think

Being a dog isn’t always easy. Our Humans mostly love us but some of them think some pretty dumb stuff, and it makes things a little less fun for us. Here are 5 things we wish you knew!

1. That’s WAY too much protein for Junior.

Mom. Seriously, I’m super glad you adopted a vegan lifestyle because you love us animals so much, but I’m not really onboard with your whole plan. You might not want to remember but dogs and wolves (remember wolves, the dudes we came from?) are carnivores. Not herbivores, not omnivores, carnivores.

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Mmmm and I’ve been such a good boy!

It means I like meat. My body likes meat. A lot. We can and generally should exist on just meat. Sure, a little rice sometimes or some fruit that I like is cool, but I need meat. Lots of it. It’s good for me, my coat, my digestion, my health and future health as well. Those weird little kibbles you give me are not exactly the same.

2. Don’t worry about leaving him alone for so long, he won’t remember anyway

Despite what you might think, I have an excellent memory. Think about it – if I can’t tell time, how do I know that you are coming home at 5 pm every day? Just ask Dad, he sees me get up from the chair and wait for you every day. I know time, I know if you’ve been gone lots of time and well…I miss you :(

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I get very lonely without you because I love you and because I am a pack animal. I need interaction and socialization as much as people and when I am constantly left alone, I become sad and sometimes aggressive or destructive. If you can’t promise to be home with me more often then not…maybe another mommy would be better for me before I fall in love with you.

3. Well I’ll teach him how to sit and stuff eventually, it’s no big deal, he’s a little guy.

Remember how I said I’m a pack animal? Well you’re the boss. I need you to show me and tell me what to do and how to do it. I don’t need you to micromanage my breathing but you have to show me what’s okay or what’s not. I promise if you tell me the right way I will remember eventually even if you have to repeat yourself a few times. It will make me less anxious, feel like I am part of the pack, and your attention to me actually makes me happy.

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Just don’t get mad if I don’t get it right away – you talk weird.

4. Ah just ignore him when he barks, he’ll stop eventually

This one always really pisses off the neighbours haha! But seriously, how would you like it if I ignored you when you talk to me? Barking is our way of communicating, and usually when I bark I am trying to tell you something. Mostly I think that its some bad man lurking outside and I am making sure you know. When you come and check it out, and tell me its okay because it’s Bob from next door (to be honest I never liked the cut of his jib either) then I am going to stop.

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I think I pooped 😀

If you leave me outside all night (which is totally NOT cool in the cold by the way) expect me to bark at everything that I think is a danger. Which is everything, including leaves, shadows and garbage bags. Better to keep me inside at night with a nice pillow like the rest of the family.

5. I can’t neuter my boy, I’d be taking his manhood from him!

Don’t get weird Mom, I’m okay with the birds and the bees talk. Well actually this is usually dad’s idea and you know I appreciate the sentiment, but if you consider that most major cities have about a MILLION or so stray dogs fighting for their lives every day…I think I’m willing to take one for the team.

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Even if you have no intention of breeding me, I am much more likely to want to escape if I ever sniff out a pretty lady and well…I can’t be held responsible if she agrees to a date.

Overall, I love you very much Mommy…I just hope you start treating me like an adult soon, and give me some credit!

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