After the recent White House security breech and news of an ISIS terrorist somehow winning the Ohio State Lottery, President Obama has decided to shift the public’s attention to happier matters.
Thus, he has decided to pardon this year’s Thanksgiving Turkey, the aptly named “Vladimir Putin,” about 2 months ahead of schedule.
Said the Commander in Chief: “My pardon of Vladimir, the turkey, should not be seen as a sign of weakness or friendship toward the real Vladimir Putin, with whom I currently have a great deal of disagreement.
“As an aside, the sight of a shirtless turkey named “Vladimir” doesn’t seem nearly as cheesy and egotistical as the real Vladimir going topless. Interesting that their breasts look amazingly similar!.
After hearing about the pardon, one of the President’s chief critics, Fox News All-Star Sean Hannity, had surprisingly little to say except:
“I always wondered: Do they actually eat turkey in Turkey on Thanksgiving? I may have the crack Fox Research Department look that up!”