MSNBC to Reorganize Newsroom…Again…This Time, Alphabetically!

According to network sources, a confident, feisty and slightly sweaty Phil Griffin told his minions at MSNBC that after crunching numbers and consulting with McKinsey & Company, Nielsen and former TV weather maven Willard Scott (best known for his predictive powers) the network wouldn’t go down without a fight.

Said Griffin later to reporters:  “Listen, we’ve tried almost everything except turning the whole thing over to the Kardashians and are still looking for answers.  As of today, we will go “alphabetical” in our newsroom and abandon doing it by age, the latter apparently being bad for morale, especially that of 89 year-old Rachel Maddow, proud member of this country’s ‘Greatest Generation.’ ”

Without actually detailing the precarious financial nature of his entire enterprise, Griffin said this year’s Office Christmas Party would be catered “Happy Meals” from McDonalds, adding that he hoped everybody would give the Meals’ enclosed toys to children “needier than we are.”

 

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