A Cray Super Computer at Princeton’s Institute for Advanced Study, which had previously been used to map out the Human Genome and Milky Way (Galaxy, not Candy Bar!), has finally cracked the mystery of your phone bill!
Institute Professor Joseph Pines, who was recently awarded both a Nobel Prize in Advanced Mathematics and Macarthur “Genius” Grant for leading a crack team of egg heads on this project, says that the required effort was on a scale he couldn’t have anticipated.
“We actually literally burned through two Cray Computers doing this research. We put the first fire out with a fire extinguisher but the second one was a two-alarmer. Lucky for us we could find a third computer on Craigslist. This has been by far the most grueling, yet satisfying,.work of my career and made the Human Genome Solution seem trivial in comparison.”
He went on: “Now, consumers everywhere will know when they are being gouged for things like excise taxes for their home’s longitude and latitude, and worse yet, sunspots!”